I’m not naive enough to think this is a miracle…..

…. But I am positive enough to believe it’s a chance.

I’m struggling with the doom & gloom of the Internet. I suppose everyone is doing what I am – having there very own honest say, I just didn’t expect it to be so negative and hard to read about. I feel I don’t belong in this ‘group’ I don’t feel ill, i don’t have all these awful hardship others have. That’s not me, I have got MS and am going through DMT. I’m in no way in denial about that, just maybe a bit lost as to where I fit in.

Im a very positive person the moment and in quite a good place, I know many things may change but I will deal with that as, and when it happens. I can’t bring myself to sit and think about the ‘what if’s’ it’s such a waste of time and quite a boring subject to me. If I stop and do that I may miss out on the other important things going on in life!

I’m struggling to find a place to be content, somewhere I can have a balance.  I don’t want to keep talking to people around me about this as they don’t understand, and i find it hard work explaing everything all the time. The ‘support’ places and stuff I’ve found are not for me right now. I feel I don’t fit in as I’m not part of that clique either.

Maybe I am in denial, maybe it will take things to get worse before I realise this is serious, but for now my life hasn’t changed since last week and quite frankly I have too much other stuff to do.

I have 2 kids birthdays to organise, my baby boy is 1 this week and my daughter is coming up 5, so naturally she wants a disco like all her friends have! With a frozen cake and a princess! Then there is back to school stuff to do, my big girl is starting reception in September and I need to settle my lil boy into his nursery place before I go back to work from maternity leave in a few weeks time.

After I have sorted all that out I want to do something special for our wedding anniversary (about as special as you can get with 2 kids under 5!) It’s our second anniversary and to be honest the 1st was a disaster,  I had just had my little boy and he was in special care after he was born. We hadn’t long had him home and my husband had went back to work, so no 1st anniversary for us or birthday party for my daughter last year This year I want both to be special, but just like always life is crazy busy and costs a fortune. I have nothing to whine about and no time to do it if I wanted to. My family keeps me busy for now and I’m lucky to have that.

I’m also glad for the treatment, it sounds positive and hopefully can keep me fit and mobile for as long as possible. I’m not stupid tho, I know you can’t cure MS but why is it so strange to be grateful for the chance that DMT can give you? After all shouldn’t you always take a chance if you get one? And if it doesn’t help then I tried and ill try something else. I have options, which is more than some people have.

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5 thoughts on “I’m not naive enough to think this is a miracle…..

  1. Hi Sarah – came across your blog yesterday and found it really interesting and inspiring. I work at the MS Trust and we’re about to launch a new range of information for people who’ve just been diagnosed with MS. Would you be interested in a) having a look and letting us know what you think, and b) helping us launch the resources in October? Let me know what you think – you can email me at opendoor@mstrust.org.uk or give me a call on 01462 476733. All the best, Stephen

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sunshine says:

    You just took me back to my first forays into the web to connect with other people with MS and try to find some glimmer of positivity — I pretty much ran away screaming. The online forums that have millions of people talking about what drugs they’re taking and all the side effects, those were the worst. Since then, I’ve found some pockets of sanity online (MSPals led me to your blog) where you can learn about things but also just laugh about this frequently (but not always) messed up MS life. Particularly for the newly diagnosed, what we need is a community and a place to land, and ideally (as you said) to be content.

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    • Sunshine, that’s exactly what I’m finding at every turn! MSpals is great for not having horror stories all over it. Think I need to find somewhere I fit in – as I have MS but for now I’m ok & just getting g on with my life xx

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  3. Margaret Peddar says:

    Hi, I’ve just found your blog as well. MS certainly is not the end of the world and more people should remember that. It’s just many find it helpful to offload their own worries and horror stories, and that’s good for them. It’s not so good for the ones who read those stories, and I tend to keep away from them. Everybody is affected differently. I was diagnosed in 2000, though they said I had had it for a long time judging from my MRI. My MS has progressed only slightly since then, and has not affected my mobility at all. What symptoms I do get are restricted to the sensory side of things – they may call it ”neuropathic pain”, but to me it’s just a very itchy back! Embarrassing when caught in the middle of a supermarket trying to scratch without looking like I’ve got fleas! Anyway, chin up, go forward, and take it one day at a time 🙂 Check out “Positive Living With MS” (also on Twitter @positivelivingwithms.com. and Facebook. A daily blog by another person with MS, that gets to the heart of positive living and can be quite funny. All the best, Margaret *hugs*

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