What a week!

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Well Monday was my first day back to work after 14 months of maternity leave. It was so nice to be back and it was nice to be ‘me’ again for a few hours, I work in a small busy office with some lovely people and I’d forgotten how nice it can be to be working and not just a ‘mam’ at home and school.

Definite highlights of returning to work are drinking a cup of tea while it is hot,  going to the bathroom alone, chatting about things other than Dora the Explorer, being allowed to think my own thoughts for a bit without interruptions was lovely too, I had forgotten what it was like when my head wasn’t racing at 100 mph with the stress of home, work is just as busy but it’s a different kind and I feel more productive.

Not so good things were, my arm and wrist ached really bad from all the writing, typing and paperwork, I’ve had to take a lot.of pain killers to get me through this week, i’m hoping it’s just because I’m not used to it. The hour at the beginning and end of my work day which is spent dropping off and collecting the kids is ridiculous, I have to go miles out my was to drop the youngest off first, then come practically home to take the eldest to school and then head back the way I came to get to work. Finally I was surprised how exhausted I was by lunchtime on Wednesday,  I was actually watching the clock and could feel myself going slower and was ready to sleep. It’s a good job i’m part time and only work Monday – Wednesday or I’d have been in trouble.

Since I’m only at work the first half of the week I get to spend Thursday and Friday at home. My daughter has just started reception class so for the first time since he was born me and my little man get two whole days together. My daughter is loving ‘big school’ and is  thrilled to be staying for her lunch, she has a lot of friends and has settled in amazing, although she is exhausted by the end of the day. My little man didn’t really get a lot out of our two days together this week tho, he is full of cold so we mostly spend them in the house. Think I might try to find a play group on a Friday to take him to next week, there is a sure start centre close to us which has a sensory room he would love too. Feel a bit bad we don’t do a lot of these things, but over the 6 weeks we had to do things that were suitable for both kids ages, he will like some things just for him.

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It was also my wedding anniversary this week, me and my husband have been married for 2 years and I got the most beautiful card and flowers from him, they were gorgeous. We have been together for 12 years and got married after 10, he is my best friend and has been amazing this last year too 🙂

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Ok enough slushy stuff…… My next stress has began already! 

My a daughter is 5 next week and we have organised a disco for her, this was what she requested and honestly it has been a nightmare and cost a small fortune! The venue we had suddenly closed and when the brewery went in the person had taken the deposit and book showing we had paid for a party! After a lot of stress and phone calls we have a room and our deposit has been honoured. I just need to pay the remaining balance for the cake, confirm times with the princess who is making and appearance,  go in and decorate  the room and fill the party bags! Then at some point pay the dj, princess and venue for the food!

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NEVER AGAIN!

I’ve just gone back to work so money is tight as it is and I’ve had to pay the nursery £360 last week for my little man to attend 2 days a week.  We are officially skint now, oh dear, well I’m sure the kids will love it.

Went for a run last night,  didn’t do as good as I wanted and we walked half the way back. Think I was just so tired after this week,  they had just finished clearing up after the GNR and there was a few runners out, noticed how dark it is getting now on a night,  it was very blustery too – definitely autumn setting in. Might try to go again on Sunday night, will see how I feel.

Going to have some family time this weekend and then do it all again next week!

I’m not naive enough to think this is a miracle…..

…. But I am positive enough to believe it’s a chance.

I’m struggling with the doom & gloom of the Internet. I suppose everyone is doing what I am – having there very own honest say, I just didn’t expect it to be so negative and hard to read about. I feel I don’t belong in this ‘group’ I don’t feel ill, i don’t have all these awful hardship others have. That’s not me, I have got MS and am going through DMT. I’m in no way in denial about that, just maybe a bit lost as to where I fit in.

Im a very positive person the moment and in quite a good place, I know many things may change but I will deal with that as, and when it happens. I can’t bring myself to sit and think about the ‘what if’s’ it’s such a waste of time and quite a boring subject to me. If I stop and do that I may miss out on the other important things going on in life!

I’m struggling to find a place to be content, somewhere I can have a balance.  I don’t want to keep talking to people around me about this as they don’t understand, and i find it hard work explaing everything all the time. The ‘support’ places and stuff I’ve found are not for me right now. I feel I don’t fit in as I’m not part of that clique either.

Maybe I am in denial, maybe it will take things to get worse before I realise this is serious, but for now my life hasn’t changed since last week and quite frankly I have too much other stuff to do.

I have 2 kids birthdays to organise, my baby boy is 1 this week and my daughter is coming up 5, so naturally she wants a disco like all her friends have! With a frozen cake and a princess! Then there is back to school stuff to do, my big girl is starting reception in September and I need to settle my lil boy into his nursery place before I go back to work from maternity leave in a few weeks time.

After I have sorted all that out I want to do something special for our wedding anniversary (about as special as you can get with 2 kids under 5!) It’s our second anniversary and to be honest the 1st was a disaster,  I had just had my little boy and he was in special care after he was born. We hadn’t long had him home and my husband had went back to work, so no 1st anniversary for us or birthday party for my daughter last year This year I want both to be special, but just like always life is crazy busy and costs a fortune. I have nothing to whine about and no time to do it if I wanted to. My family keeps me busy for now and I’m lucky to have that.

I’m also glad for the treatment, it sounds positive and hopefully can keep me fit and mobile for as long as possible. I’m not stupid tho, I know you can’t cure MS but why is it so strange to be grateful for the chance that DMT can give you? After all shouldn’t you always take a chance if you get one? And if it doesn’t help then I tried and ill try something else. I have options, which is more than some people have.