Coffee & Cake

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My cousin hosted a coffee morning for Macmillan yesterday. I decided to make rocky road bites with all the birthday chocolate we had accumulated last week from my daughters birthday, they were delicious and no good for my diet at all! The cakes people bought & made were lovely, and it was really nice to see the effort people put in for this charity.

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My cousin has cancer and has dedicated so much of his time and energy to supporting so many charities
He is doing things from this to running the GNR, sky dives, zip wire challenges and so much more, he is quite an inspiration and never complains

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Lots of family amd friends came too and it was lovely to have a catch up and to see how everyone is doing. A really nice morning and hopefully lots of funds raised for a great cause.

Proud to support Macmillan.

Aches & Pains

My wrist and shoulder hurt a lot today, I was trying to explain it to my husband, its like someone has stamped on my wrist and slammed me into a concrete wall, its like the pain is coming from inside the bone, its really weird trying to discribe it as it sounds so exaggerated and I couldn’t think of something to compare it too. It started hurting yesterday, and by last night it was agony. I’m not a huge fan of pain killers but have been taking them more and more the last few months just to get by.

The problem I have is I can’t take anything too strong,  I get up through the night with the kids sometimes and don’t want to be like a zombie, and I’m home with them through the day and use the car a lot. I was originally given a stronger painkiller by my GP after I’d said paracetamol and ibrufen did not take the pain away, so I’d taken 2 of tge strong ones one  morning, and after an hour I was really foggy headed and not with it at all. I was actually driving the car and a felt floaty, that is never good!

It took a little while to realise it was the tablets that were making me like this, so unfortunately they had to go. They were replace by something not as strong, I don’t feel floaty and out of it, but they hardly touch the pain! Especially on a night time. 

I struggle to get comfortable in bed as my wrist hurts when it bends (impossible if you sleep on your side) and my shoulder either can’t take the weight on it all night, but if I turn over it aches like it needs a support for it. I can’t win, then usually if your really settled and comfy a small person will wake you for something.

I’m lucky so far the pain isn’t a constant, it does flare up tho, its probably bad now as I’ve been running twice last week. The movement of my arms when I run I think makes it flare up more for a few days, I enjoy running and don’t want to stop. Anyway carrying a 1 year old around makes it flare up too, I should probably stop that rather than the running as he weighs a ton these days 🙂

Off to take some more tablets and hopefully get some sleep … Night 

 

Let’s look after me

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I went for a run last night, it’s been about a month since ive been so really sore today 😩. I didn’t realise how much I missed it, I think I need to make sure I have time to go at least once a week, especially while the weather is still fine. It’s great for clearing your head and getting out of the house.

I first started running last year. It was something I always wanted to do but never thought I could do it, I barely walk places, always take the car and have no fitness ability at all.. Me and my friend just run up and down the coast beside our house, which is 5k and a beautiful route. With having 2 kids under 5 I don’t get a lot of time to myself, so I usually get the kids in bed and head out at about 8 pm. In the summer this is amazing, and the views and coast line are gorgeous,  in the winter it’s bitter cold and is so pitch black it looks like a horror movie  😱

I started originally because I wanted my body back after having my son, we had decided no more kids, I wanted to feel fit and healthy and run around with my kids.  I had joined slimming world about a month before and was loosing weight but wanted to exercise too. I also wanted something for me, some time to focus on myself and to get out for a bit.

After we had been running for a while we decided to aim for something, so we entered a 10k race. We completed this in July of this year raising £285 for Macmillan in the process. It was an amazing day and I totally got the bug, I love the freedom of running and the atmosphere of a race. I wanted to do more, our aim is to enter the GNR next year and complete some more 10k races alongside our training.

All this was before my diagnosis,  this was me 2 stone lighter and the fittest I’d been in years. So why in the last month have I been totally off track?

My MS hasn’t changed me as a person, it has given me more to think about tho. I want to be as fit and healthy as I can be for as long as possible.  I want to run for as long as I can, I want to take care of my body so I’m as strong and in the best shape I can be. But most of all i just want to be the me I was before.

This isn’t really about my MS I suppose,  it’s just my life and what I want to do and MS won’t get in the way of that if I don’t let it.

When MS was very first mentioned by the Dr I thought there was no way it could be, I knew very little about it but thought of people tired and with mobility issues and that was not me. I remember telling my running partner and saying “it can’t be, people with MS don’t run!” Well I do and I will carry on as long as possible. 

Look out for more medals 👟🏃

No use crying over spilt milk

Today didn’t got off to the best start, while making a bottle for my little boy at breakfast time I managed to drop it all over me,  the baby and floor! Very clever. After a full outfit change for us both and a clean floor (with full screaming baby now as he wanted his milk 5 minutes beforehand) I then pick up the bottle with the remaining milk in and proceed to drop it on the work bench! Honest I couldn’t make this stuff up! Stupid hand.

Thankfully that was the worst part of my day. I had loads of energy this morning and after his bottle a very content baby, so I decided to tackle the bedroom. I had a charity bag filled in no time and some of the baby stuff put aside to sell. We are hoping to sell and move house next year so I’m trying to clear out as much as i can, this is hard to do with 2 kids in the house who want to ‘help’ you. I’d even also managed to tidy up some boxes and strip the bed while i was in there. I was on a roll! as it was going great, I tidied the kitchen and living room, put the ironing away and hung the washing up! By lunchtime the house was looking very neat indeed.

My 4 yr old then returned from a sleepover at my mam’s house, team her and my little boy together and the house was trashed again!

It was cleaner than it was tho which is the main thing, and i have another bag to go to the charity shop. I will clear this house 1 bag at a time!

Tonight i am wiped, I think shower and early night is on the cards.

Laughter is the best medicine 💗

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When you have a small moment that has a huge impact, and suddenly your pulled back into the right way of thinking.

Last night me and my husband were discussing my MS and how things may change for us. I was dwelling on small trivial things that I shouldn’t . The sudden realisation that this is permanent and i’m going to have this forever had suddenly sunk in. I had really hoped I would take it better.

It had somehow turned into a serious and quite negative conversation which helps no one, I found myself fixating on stupid things and could tell if this went on my head would start spinning. I’m usually not like this and hate the whole feel of talking like this. Maybe it’s because I hadn’t seen him all day and have to talk at 100 miles an hour about every random thought I’ve had! Something I know that drives him mad haha.

My lovely, amazing husband then manages to have me in hysterics, literally crying with laughter. Love how someone knows exactly what you need at just the right time. This is how I know we will be fine, no matter what comes at us or how bad it may be.

From lightning speed to snail pace

A lot has happened in a short space of time for me, from diagnosis one day to starting treatment straight away! Everything seemed to go at 100 miles an hour, there was so much information to take in, then at home or with friends everyone wanted to know all about it. Then there was the treatment itself to get my head round, and even now I still don’t fully understand what MS means to me, and how it  is going to effect me for the rest of my life.

Things now are slowing down a bit and the novelty has seemed to worn off, everything that needs to be discussed has been, and im left with nothing else to say about it and I’m not sure where I go from here.

I’m starting to digest bits at a time but it’s still so huge!
Things sometimes pop into my head and it’s like a sudden realisation which throws me for a bit. Like ordering a repeat prescription for painkillers.  I hardly ever used to take tablets, only if I was in agony.  But  now I take a lot, and will do for the rest of my life. The rest of your life is a long time when you think about it. Or when I drop things, the realisation that this is permanent and will get worse.  It seems so final.

It got me thinking about something I read:

The 5 stages of accepting an illness are:
Denial
Anger
fear
Depression
Acceptance

I don’t know if I believe this as I’m not sure I’m in any of these.  Now at first we did the whole denial bit and sometimes I go back to that. When MS was mentioned I had hardly any symptoms and i seemed like the most unlikely person to have it. I was fit and healthy,  I went running  and felt good. So the denial was understandable I thought.  Now the denial seems to be more like,  “i’m not ill” and “i’m not disabled” I think this because I don’t feel like it. I have never got angry about it either, I’ve not had the “why me” thoughts, I did get upset when it first hit, I was worried about the life me and my husband would have together.  I felt so guilty I was putting him through this, he didn’t sign up for this life, I thought about when our kids were older and we get some time together,  what if he misses out on that because he is caring for me? He did point out that I’m so spoilt anyway he is almost my carer!  Now if they had ‘confused’ or ‘overwhelmed’ as a stage I could relate to that a bit better right now.

I am hoping that given time, things will just slot themselves into place, and I will be able to just adapt my life around my MS. Until then ill just need to take it one day at a time.